All last week and concluding today, the Woot writers are each writing about the movies that scare them the most. Today on Halloween, Matthew Norman talks about five frightening flicks that managed to scare the bejesus out of him even though he’s never …

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Jimmy Rollins. Ryan Madson. Roy Oswalt. Brad Lidge. A Cole Hamels extension. You’ll hear about these names all through the winter. On Monday, Oswalt and Lidge were let out of their options. Decisions on Rollins and Madson will be coming in the next couple of months. A Cole Hamels contract extension (he’s in his final [...]

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How are people supposed to get all these excess vitamins out of their bodies? It’s obvious: The same way they got them in there. Come up with just the right regurgitative formula and you’ll surf an enormous tidal wave of vomit that ultimately barfs you…

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Lights, Camera, Cats Action

What do you mean, “why” is it my dream to film an all-cat remake of the 1991 Gene Hackman legal thriller Class Action?

“Why?” What kind of question is that? I don’t cross-examine my dreams, OK? Maybe you’re the kind of person who sees an exquisite butterfly flitting across a field of wildflowers, grabs the butterfly, and demands to see its papers. Not me. When I’m blessed by a dream, no matter how impractical or daunting or stupid, I hold on to that dream for all it’s worth.

In a treasuring way, I mean, not in the interrogating way you hold that poor butterfly.

And as this dream unfolded, I knew I’d need 26 things to make it a reality: a good camera and 25 cats. The camera part was easy. The JVC Everio HD Camcorder offers 40x optical zoom, a Konica Minolta HD lens, and 720p video recording. With the JVC Everio shooting the footage, this isn’t going to be one of those chintzy, two-bit all-cat movie remakes. An idea this brilliant deserves genuinely professional production values.

Now all I need is the cats. A greying and unkempt but still spry and irreverent one as Jed Ward, the civil-rights lawyer originally played by Mr. Gene Hackman. For his daughter Maggie Ward, I need a pretty one with wide-set eyes and curly black fur, to stand in for Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio – you know, the kind of cat who’d feel authentic as a driven young laywer who turns to conservative politics in rebellion against her neglectful dad. And a big jowly cat for Fred Thompson’s Dr. Getchell, and a blandly handsome, vaguely slimy British cat to play Maggie’s corporate-lawyer boss and lover, and -

Look, I could go on, but I see by the sign that this shelter closes at 5, and this dream won’t wait until tomorrow. So get out the paperwork or whatever you need to do and let me start picking out my cast, OK? Oh, and, uh, what’s your return policy?

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 90 Day JVC

Condition: Refurbished

Features:

• Wherever you point the camcorder, it instantaneously analyzes faces, brightness, color and distance, to automatically select the best settings for the scene
• 2.7” LCD, Konica Minolta HD Lens, 40x optical zoom, Advanced Image Stabilizer, up-convert for 1920x1080p output, and Intelligent AUTO for best picture quality, whatever the scene
• SDXC card slot and high-quality HD video ideal for Web sharing on YouTube™ and Facebook
• Advanced Image Stabilizer (A.I.S.) expands the effective area at wide angle to deliver powerful compensation for camera shake
• Time-Lapse REC records one frame at a time at set intervals (1sec – 80sec) so you can watch movement that’s hours long in just a few seconds when played back
• When a subject enters the camcorder’s detecting area and the luminance changes, recording starts automatically and automatically stops after 5 seconds of no movement
• Easy Archiving & Sharing with Everio MediaBrowser 3
• The newly designed 2-Way Grip Belt works as a standard grip belt or a convenient wrist strap. You can choose which way to best match your shooting style or carrying preference

Additional Photos:

• Blue
• Black
• Silver
• Red
• Adjustable LCD Screen
• Controls & Inputs
• SDXC Slot
• Charging Port
• Package Contents
• Packaging

Specifications:

In the box:

• JVC GZ-HM30 Everio Camcorder (Choose: Blue, Black, Silver or Red)
• Li-Ion Battery Pack
• USB Cable
• AV Cable
• AC Adapter
• 2-Way Grip Belt
• Everio MediaBrowser 3 Bundled Software
• User’s Manual
• Warranty Card

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Those pining for a hard-hitting, run-producing third baseman, you’re day should be a little brighter. Aramis Ramirez declined his part of the mutual option with the Chicago Cubs for 2012, meaning he will now become a free agent. By doing so, he has forfeited a $2 million buyout. That matters not, because Ramirez is in [...]

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The Boston Red Sox are set to interview Philadelphia Phillies bench coach Pete Mackanin as well as Milwaukee Brewers hitting coach Dale Sveum for their vacant managerial position this week, according to WEEI radio in Boston. Mackanin and Sveum will be the first two candidates interviewed by Boston to replace Terry Francona, whose contract was [...]

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Lots of options were picked up Saturday, and two may slightly impact the Phillies’ offseason plans. Ryan Dempster predictably exercised his $14 million player option to remain with the Cubs in 2012. It’s not as if the Phillies were eyeing Dempster, but his return to the Cubs means one less front-to-mid rotation starting pitcher will [...]

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He Has His Grandmother’s Horns

I started having doubts I was the kid’s father when he didn’t look at all like me. That and the levitation thing.

There were other signs, too. The fact I had been on a business trip around the time Beth got pregnant was one. The crazy accelerated three-month gestational period was another. And, thinking back on it, the way all the nurses on the Delivery floor of the hospital all started speaking in tongues and bleeding from the eyes was pretty odd, but I figured maybe that stuff was just covered in a chapter of one of those books Beth wanted me to read.

Did it hurt a little when the giant crow delivered the flaming scroll proclaiming Danny to be He Who Would Bring Chaos? Yeah, I’m not going to lie. Beth and I were crushed, even with the offer of complete immunity to the coming horrors and an Acer Aspire Notebook with 17.3” HD+ CineCrystal LED Display. Sure, neither one of us wanted to face one thousand years of torment and pain. And yeah, a laptop with an AMD Phenom™ II X4 Quad-Core 2.2GHz Processor, 500GB Hard Drive, built-in Wi-Fi, and Windows® 7 Home Premium would really enhance our Internet experience, even if it was refurbished. But we’d wanted a child for such a long time, you know? When we found out we’d just been randomly chosen to bring someone else’s Doombringer into the world, it really broke our hearts.

It took a little reflection and acceptance on our part, but you know what we finally realized? Until he reaches the age that he’s destined to plunge the world into total darkness, he’s still our son, our little buddy who just happens to make things explode with a thought. I may not be his real father, but I’m the one who sings him to sleep, I’m the one who plays peek-a-boo with him, and I’m the one who files down his horns each and every morning before daycare. No ruler of an awful fiery netherworld is going to take that from me.

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 90 Day Acer

Condition: Refurbished

Features:

• Get lost in high-definition entertainment and gaming on the enormous 17.3” HD widescreen LED-backlit display with true 16:9 aspect ratio while vibrant audio pumps out of the built-in stereo speakers
• Experience VISION Premium Technology from AMD with the Phenom™ II X4 Quad-Core 2.2GHz Processor featuring next-generation quad-core performance that crushes even the most demanding tasks. Enjoy plenty of power for HD entertainment, gaming, creativity, and beyond without being slowed down
• ATI Radeon™ HD 4250 Graphics transforms your PC into a digital media powerhouse with exceptional features, performance and power-efficiencies that enrich what you see and do
• 500GB Hard Drive has plenty of space to store your digital albums, music library and rich media files so you can have everything at your fingertips wherever you go
• The 1.3 Megapixel HD webcam and Microphone let you go face-to-face in online chats and easily take still pictures and videos that you can share with friends wherever you are
• Connect to the Internet anywhere, anytime. 802.11b/g/n Wi-Fi CERTIFIED™ and Gigabit Ethernet LAN conveniently deliver rapid and reliable wireless connectivity wherever you are
• Ease your mind and back up important data or media with the Acer Backup Manager Software protecting your assets smart and quickly
• Windows® 7 Home Premium makes the things you do every day easier and with Office Starter 2010, experience new ways to deliver your best work! Buy Microsoft® Office 2010 to activate a full-featured Office suite preloaded on this PC

Additional Photos:

• Acer Logo
• Front Profile
• Left Profile
• Right Profile
• Keyboard & Touchpad
• Package Contents
• Packaging

In the box:

• Acer Aspire AS7551-7422 Notebook
• 6-Cell Lithium-Ion Battery
• AC Adapter

photo credit: aliestelle

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Phils' record year nets six GIBBY nominations

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The 2011 Phillies Nation Player Reviews continue today, with David Herndon… …And I think he just gave up another walk, followed by a home run, causing a profanity-laced meltdown in the infield. His mind is like Mr. Potato Head (or Señor Cara de Papa if you are speaking to Carlos Ruiz) when he gets into [...]

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